“Change” Is A Four Letter Word

I have a new obsession. I am now bothering my utility carriers by trying to get a cheaper price on my services. Using the secret “cheap bastard” moves handed down from generation to generation in my family, I have been quite successful. For example, I got eight dollars knocked off our landline phone bill by eliminating the *69 service. I also saved about three dollars on my cable bill by eliminating Showtime and adding (yes adding) Starz and Skinemax Cinemax.

Today, I set my sights on lowering my cell phone bill. As such, I did some research and decided I would give Sprint the honor of selling me on their service. Now, I already knew I could keep my current cell phone numbers (I have five), so I would have no problem switching to Sprint if they gave me a sweet deal, which they did. After a good hour of “cheap bastard” techniques and empty threats to call Verizon for a quote, I was able to save almost $500. I think that may be a family record.

Brimming with pride over my accomplishment, I immediately called my father, aka “King of the Cheap Bastards”, to let him know how much money I saved. Although he was quite proud of me, he was also upset. I could sense the panic in his voice. Why the panic, you ask? Well it’s simple, really. I used the word “change”. I had to calm my dad down by assuring him that he could keep his current cell phone number so the two people who ever call him on it (besides me or my brother) won’t need to update their address books and he would not have to ask Mr. JLG365 to make him new “business” cards (homemade cards with a fictitious company name and a picture of my dad holding a big fish). I also had to promise my dad that I would input all his saved phone numbers into his new phone and show him how everything works. It was only after all that was said did my dad calm down. It’s was all very exhausting. And I knew I was going to go through the same thing Mr. JLG365 next.

So, I called Mr. JLG365 at work to let him know we were changing to Sprint and, as suspected, his response was an exasperated sigh followed by a “guh”. Once again, the word “change” had reared it’s ugly head. And once again I had to make assurances and rassurances before Mr. JLG365 could calm down enough to be happy about how much money I was saving us.

I don’t get it. Why is change always a terrible thing for the men in my life? Why is it so scary and wrong? Is it just Polish Brooklynites (dad) and PA Dutchies (Mr. JLG365) or are most men like this? Or maybe it’s just my family and I married my father’s clone? Oh well, I guess I will never know. That won’t stop me from changing things, though. I hope Mr. JLG365 can take it.

Tagged as: Cell Phones, Panic, Scares