I have had a lot of people asking me lately about my tattoos. Apparently, no one believes I have any. And that is usually the way I like to keep it. Nonetheless, I give my public what they want.
It all began in April of 1994. Kurt Cobain just ate a bullet and everything was wrong in the world. And so …
My very first tattoo. I remember it well. I was with my friend Niki. We went to Wizards World in Pottstown. The tattoo artist was Sue Behney. It is located on my back in the upper right hand corner. Originally, the cat was orange and had a strand of yellow pearls. Now you can barely tell it is a cat. I think I also got my bellybutton pierced when I got this done. You know, because I had a killer body and was planning to wear belly shirts and bikinis.
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After I promised my dad I would never get another tattoo, I am pretty sure this is the next one I got like a month later. Sue Behney was the artist again. And I am pretty sure my friend Niki was with me again. I remember I liked the look of black work tats and I wanted some. I just chose Felix off the wall. Totally unoriginal. And totally butch. I chose my left shoulder for placement. You know, because I was going to wear tank tops and show off my non-flabby arms.
This is one of my favorite tattoos to this day. It’s one of two that I share with another person. A Sue Behney original, this is Woodstock dancing in the mud. He is carrying an American flag with a “94″ in it. All this so I would always remember when my friends and I went to see the Woodstock 25 year reunion concert in, you guessed it, 1994. I have this bad boy placed on my chest, just above my right boob. In fact, I like this tattoo so much I think I will get it recolored.
Right. So I am pretty sure the above three tattoos were my first. I know they are all at least fifteen years old. This next wave of tats have dates of origin which escape me. I do know, however, that none of them are less than ten years old. Let us proceed, shall we?
Sometime in 1995 I bought an album entitled Live Through This by the band Hole. I played the shit out of that album. At the time, every song was relevant to how I was feeling at the time. And I wanted the world to know one thing:
Yep, I had permanently tattooed the chorus from “Doll Parts” onto my back. A nice, big patch of my back. I can vividly remember when I actually was getting this tat done. I was in a tattoo shop somewhere in Reading. The artist’s name was Mike Anastasio. I was sitting in the shop, in front of the front window, topless, straddling a folding chair as Mike tattooed my back. My boobs would jiggle with every stroke of the tattoo gun and I was sweating like hell. This one hurt. But it was a “good” hurt. Pain and being on display wasn’t really that bad. In fact, it made me feel kind of good. TMI?
Here is the second tattoo I share with another person. For some reason we thought it would be cool to have a goose-neck faucet dripping blood tattooed on our body. Who else would have something so original? Well, my friends, this one really backfired on me. I had it placed near my right ankle in full view. Anytime I would wear short pants it could be seen. Sure, it was cool at first, but now that dripping bloody faucet has turned into a flaccid penis.
The same day I got the faucet done, I also got this little guy tattooed on my right upper arm. I guess I should mention that both the faucet and the moon were down by a guy named Harry in Boyertown. Actually, I still like this tattoo. I call it my “stoned moon”. It is always smiling at me. And it looks like it was done in prison, so, you know, people will think I’ll cut a bitch. Every now and then I will purposely let my right sleeve ride up a bit just so a teenie teaser of this tat is showing. I am just that cool.
Finally, here is the last tattoo I ever got. It is a Joe Johns original. And Mr. JLG365 calls it my “tramp stamp”. I have no idea what year it was when I got this. Maybe it was like 2000. I wanted something Celtic to go right on the small of my back. Actually, the plan was to eventually make this tat branch out to each side of my back as well, but that takes moolah. So, as you can see, that never happened. And it probably never will.
So, my friends, there you have it. The story of my tattoos. And now, after having written this post, I want to go out and get another one. I have been working on Mr. JLG365 to let me, but he has not given me the okay … yet. I will keep working. And if anyone in my family is reading this, don’t tell my dad! I’m looking at you, Aud!
